Before I got pregnant, I prayed over and over again that my baby would be a mover. I heard people complain that their baby moved so much that they couldn't sleep, and I knew that that would be the perfect baby for me. Because I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, I knew that I would want constant reassurance that my baby was okay.
Once I did get pregnant, I had myself convinced before every doctor's appointment that my baby had died. I would get so worked up and nervous about my appointments. Then I would go and they would find the heartbeat right away and everything would be fine and healthy. So why keep worrying? Unless you have an anxiety disorder (or have had a miscarriage), this is something you will probably never understand. The thing is, I KNEW everything was fine...but what if it wasn't? My baby is healthy...but a lot of babies aren't. I haven't had any signs of miscarriage...but not every woman has signs. And so the doubts creep in, and park themselves right in my heart.
So that's why, I am SO grateful that my baby is a MOVER. She squirms and kicks. She likes to hang out right up against the outside of my belly, stretching it out as far as it will go. She uses my lungs as pillows and my bladder as a trampoline...and I am SO GLAD. I won't lie, it isn't comfortable. It keeps me up at night and the pressure is...ugh. But, at almost any time of the day, I can press on my belly and find her. There is nearly always some body part pushed up against the outside of my stomach. I have the gift of reassurance every day.
I am thankful every day for answered prayers.
I will say this, I don't have an anxiety disorder (at least not diagnosed lol) but I too would convince myself before every appointment that they weren't going to find a heartbeat. Every day I had an appointment I was a wreck because while part of me was excited about getting confirmation that she was ok, part of me was convinced I would be told bad news. When she was finally born I remember I cried because, not only was a happy, but I was so relieved that I could see with my own eyes that she was really and truly alive. (And even now I wake up from dead sleep and have to stare at the video monitor to convince myself she is still alive while sleeping in her crib.)
ReplyDeleteYeah, that'll be me too Catherine. That's why I need a video monitor - otherwise I'd be the mom who goes in every 30 minutes and ends up waking the sleeping baby. Oops.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you have a mover too! I don't have a diagnosed anxiety disorder, but I did the same thing (often in tears before appointments). Unfortunately, I had 2 out of 3 lazy babies who did not move much, or at least that I couldn't feel based on location of the placenta. Sometimes you may feel a little less movement as due date gets closer--they get cramped in there! Totally normal. Can't wait to meet the little gymnast!
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